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Walking on broken glass

type
Article
author
By Sonia Yee, Senior Content Writer, IoD
date
11 Mar 2025
read time
4 min to read
Walking on broken glass

Note: Due to the sensitive nature of the article, names of the participants have been changed to protect their identities.

Negative experiences in the boardroom often remain hidden by directors for fear of negative consequences, especially the impact on future opportunities in a highly competitive environment.

But what should you do if you find yourself experiencing bullying on a board – and is there a need for directors to ‘armour up’ to protect themselves?

A North Island-based director *Laura was suffering from what she describes as ‘near PTSD’ while sitting on a board, an experience that caused mounting anxiety and stress, especially in the lead up to board meetings: “I just knew I’d be gaslit,” she says.

Following meetings, she was caught in a cycle of questioning herself and wondering what she had done wrong.

“In the end, I realised that there was nothing I could do differently . . . when I was bullied, it was insidious, and it just chipped away at me. 

But where status is at play, women can also be exposed to belittling behaviour that undermines their ability – microaggressions, small diminishing comments, behaviours, slights and body language that can erode a person’s sense of self-worth over time. 

Often referred to as “death by a thousand cuts”, microaggressions can have a major impact and take a toll on people’s wellbeing, as *Laura experienced.

Being exposed to both overt and more subtle forms of bullying or microaggressions, *Laura says part of the problem is that women have been socialised to adjust their feelings and reactions to fit competitive, male-dominated environments.

“That’s how the system works if you want to be accepted in that environment and taken seriously,” she says.

Before joining a board, she suggests directors conduct as much of their own research as possible to understand the board dynamic – and the relationship with the chair – which plays a vital part in how an effective board operates.

As ‘relationship-based environments’, *Laura believes bullying should never be tolerated on any board, including from the chair, and ultimately like any bad relationship, she says that sometimes the best solution can be to leave. 

“In those situations, there is little protection other than the chair, but the catch is, a majority of chairs are still men, so we have to pick our battles – that’s what we’re told as women, as if inclusivity should be a battle,” she says.

While she has only left one role due to bullying, Laura says that it’s not comfortable being forced to call out behaviour that shouldn’t be happening in the first place, and that the chair and other board members should be more attuned to it. 

Yet calling it out, or stemming the behaviour isn’t an easy process: directors aren’t protected under employment law, with no reporting mechanisms in place.

Another IoD member *Clare has tolerated behaviour she says is unacceptable in the boardroom and refers to sustained “misogynistic behaviour” in an environment where she is sometimes talked down to and excluded from informal meetings held by the men on the board.

“You’re not taken seriously – there’s that ‘old boys club’ stuff that gets in the way of being a good director and meant that I couldn't do my job,” she says.

When she shared her concerns or raised an issue, she was sometimes shut down or not listened to: “It’s like being metaphorically patted on the head and told ‘not to worry your pretty little head’, it was that kind of attitude,” she says. 

But ‘having a thick skin’ isn’t a solution. Where men think the notion that having a thick skin is about ‘having an ability to handle others disagreeing with your opinion’, for women, the reality is more volatile and extreme, and *Abbie has observed Māori men face the same kinds of attacks and vitriolic behaviour as women.

“Women deal with personal attacks, abuse, and threats of violence . . . but we're not honest enough about the type of abuse that we experience.

“For instance, I could be saying exactly the same thing as a man on an issue, but I'm the one who gets the flack and the personal abuse. But when men think they have been harassed or abused, it tends to be ‘issues-based’ and the response is ‘I don't like your opinion,’ rather than the response women receive which can be attacks on their appearance or threats of violence – there's a difference.” 

Strategies to ensure all voices are heard at the table include keeping track of poor behaviour when it plays out. She says having a ‘deliberate approach’ that includes following up with the chair to draw attention to the pattern of behaviour aims to facilitate change.

Having a conversation with other women on the board before each meeting is also top of the list. While they don’t have to agree on the same issues, having additional reinforcement creates room for others to stop and listen in the meetings. 

“We're getting really good at subtly calling out poor behaviour, and if one of us speaks and it gets dismissed, we will back the other one up.”

*Clare says this has resulted in noticeable positive behaviour change in meetings. 

Guidance from the Institute of Directors’ Governance Leadership Centre (GLC) recommends that for boardrooms to be safe environments, the following should be considered:

    • A mutual respect for diverse views – while it is essential to recognise differing points of view, boards also need to strive for consensus to move forward effectively.
    • Promoting, and a focus on, creating a positive culture that supports strong governance and continuous learning.
    • Encouraging constructive conflict – the boardroom is a place for robust and challenging dialogue (it is crucial that contrarian views are presented objectively and without anger or coming from a place of heightened emotion that could adversely impact decision making).
    • Board members should have an awareness of self and others, including how ideas and perspectives are communicated.

For further insights:

What is wellbeing? 

Podcast episodes:

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